Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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