so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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