My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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