i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
