90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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