Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
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