I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
