Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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