watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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