Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
