Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
