you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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