Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
