i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
