I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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