I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
