she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
