Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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