If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
