He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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