Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
