doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
