Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
