I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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