i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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