Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
We just shotgunned beers for America
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
