How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
