So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
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