brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
