i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
