Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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