my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
