If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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