Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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