I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
