Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
