Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
