Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
