Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
