I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
