my mouth tastes like poor choices
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Randomize
