I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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