Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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