He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
We're too hungover to prance.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
