So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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