I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
