glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
