toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
