oh god the rape fog is back!
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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