Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
