Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
