Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
